So I fell down a few stairs and sprained my foot. Since I initially thought for sure I had broken it, I was so relieved to get the sprain diagnosis that I gave myself 2 days on two crutches, 2 days on one crutch, 1 day of limping along on the heel of my bad foot, and then decided I had had enough and I was better. (We have a hike planned with some friends from NH next weekend and I didn't want to hold us back!) Bad decision. After putting weight on my bad foot and walking on it slightly I reinjured it and now can't put any weight on it at all. My foot bruised and I got tingling from my toes to my knee. Now it turns red/purple when I am in a vertical position! Do you know me at all?? I don't know how to sit still. I have a busy household to run! I don't think anyone knew the many things that I keep up with that go unnoticed. (I don't think that even I knew!) I am so frustrated because everything takes so long for me to do! I tried grocery shopping with Caleb when I was in the 2 crutch stage. What did I get from it? Bruised palms, chafed sides, and a sore Achilles on my good foot. (I am here to tell you that the rumor that "it is all down hill once you turn 40" is true!)
I am learning something. Honestly, I'm not sure the extent of it yet, but I believe that God wants me to slow down. Now, I don't mean in what I DO. I mean in my mind. It's often my mind that causes the physical racing around anyway, but I don't think God cares so much if my list of accomplishments at the end of the day is big or small. I think he wants me to have a calm and peaceful mind at the end of it all. So, He doesn't necessarily want me to cut things out that I am doing- as long as my heart and mind are calm and focused.
Did I just say"focused"? Well- that's what I NEVER am. At least not for more than a couple of minutes. I focus on making a menu for the week, get overwhelmed at the time that it is taking me, and set it aside to do something else that is more pressing. And that's how I live my life. Was it Jim Elliot who said, "Wherever you are, be all there."? I feel like I'm never "all there". And being forced to sit has given me more time to think.
I think I panic when I sit down to do something that takes any amount of time because I have in my head that I have so much to do I don't have time to be doing whatever it is I am doing!
God was so gracious to me. I could have broken my foot or leg. (Now that I think of it, I was putting the little kids to bed when it happened. If I had "been all there" and waited with them while they were getting pjs on instead of calculating the amount of time it would take them to do that and figuring that if I hurried I could grab Alissa's sweatshirt that was upstairs and bring it down to her room before they were finished getting dressed- I may not have run down the stairs in the dark without holding onto the railing. Hmmm... ) Instead, God allowed me to have only a sprain. And then when I tried to rush His process before I had learned a valuable lesson, He allowed me to suffer the consequences of rushing.
Why have I been alive for this long and still not learned something that seems so basic?
What do I have now? A restless mind that needs rest. And where do I find that rest? In Jesus.
I love one translation of Psalm 46:10 "Cease striving and know that I am God. "
Cease striving.
Okay. I will.
Simply beautiful!
ReplyDeleteSimply beautiful!
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