It has taken me by surprise and I have not dealt gracefully with the changes. I loved my life as a busy mom to all little children. It was tiring physically but I thrived on trying to figure it all out. I found my identity in that.
Now with a daughter who will be getting married soon, a son who as an EMT is being trusted with people's lives, a daughter who is looking forward to her senior year of high school... I am taking time to reflect.
First, I don't want to grieve the loss of little kids when I still have little kids! God has given me Leah and Micah and I need to remember not to lump them in with the rest of the kids. They can still enjoy going to the park, being read Little House books, making forts, having charts with stickers marking their progress, making cards for people, and so many other things that were just a normal part of life with all littles. Sounds obvious- but it wasn't to me.
Second, I don't need to grieve the "loss" of my older children before they are gone. I don't need to look at every occasion as the last of this or the last of that. (I have literally made myself sad thinking, "This is the last April 30th that we will have as a whole family together.") I LOVE when all my chicks are in the nest (as my kids know I'm famous for saying!). When I can look out the window and see everyone's car in the driveway, or see all 9 chairs filled at the dinner table, or pray with 7 children before bed, it makes my hearts overflow with happiness. I want to let it be overflowing and not ruin the moment by grieving in advance the moments when it will be only 6 or 5 or 4 children I am praying with before bed.
Next, I knew before we had kids that we were raising them to be independent, God honoring, men and women who could live out the life that God had planned for them. Not once did Matt or I think that we would get to keep our kids forever- nor did we make it our goal to raise dependent kids who would live with us all of their lives! This is all part of the plan.....no matter how difficult it is for me to adjust to.
Finally, my family will just keep growing! With the upcoming marriage I will be gaining a new son. And as my kids marry I imagine that before too long we will be adding grandkids to the mix- and I've heard that is awesome :)
In the meantime I will enjoy today! We will be having our Saturday evening meal without Brianna today- but that's alright! I'll miss her, but I don't want that to be the focus. I have the memory of last weekend's Saturday evening meal and Saturday evening meals dating back to 2005 when we first began the tradition. And I will have the joy of having 8 seats filled tonight- still a blessing!
I love the family that God has blessed me with. And I will not waste time grieving the changes that God had planned all along.
This note was written by Brianna when she was around 6 or 7 years old.
No comments:
Post a Comment