I decided to take some time to go back to my blog.
God has been working on me in a way that is too hard and even too personal to fully describe. But on the other hand, it is so important that I remember what I learn along the way in order to continue to grow and not forget.
With Matt as my example and mentor, and the amazing stories of great men and women of God, trusting God alone through prayer and praise is something that is slowly becoming a way of life for me. Honestly though? It's been painful and has taken its toll on me both physically and emotionally- only because I am a slow learner and tend to feel the need to turn to the visible rather than the invisible. The tangible rather than the intangible. Maybe things would have been easier and results more obvious if I only could trust, and rest without doubting. Knowing that in talking to God and trusting Him completely I could have total peace and assurance that He had heard and would do what was best for me and in His perfect timing.
Most are familiar with the story of George Muller who sat his orphans down at the breakfast table and thanked God for the food- when there wasn't any food. After his "amen", there was a knock on the door and breakfast was provided. God used something recently that challenged me in my own faith.
God gave us a beautiful 2013 Toyota Sienna back in March. (An amazing story and one that makes me so thankful to Him for His provision to our family!) This van has a feature that allows you to see how many miles to an empty gas tank. A little while ago, Matt was taking Caleb to work. Caleb works 35 minutes away and had to be there by 6am. When they got into the van to leave, the display said "4 miles to empty." Matt was a little concerned, but knew it's mostly downhill to the gas station in town. They coasted into the gas station and Matt popped the tank, swiped his debit card, and got ready to pump. A voice came over the speaker saying, "We do not open until 6:00!" Well, he was still 25 minutes from Caleb's work and the same distance away from the next closest gas station! He pulled out of there and within a couple minutes, the display read "0 miles to empty." Matt said to Caleb, "Now is when we really need the miracle!"
To finish that part of the story, they made it to the gas station and Caleb clocked in at 6:00 on the dot!
But something hit me. In my life I have often learned to have faith when it's "4 miles to empty." When we have been down to only enough food for one more meal, only enough gas for one more trip, only one more day until our grace period is over..... I have felt like I had a lot of faith. I would say I had learned faith. And when you are, metaphorically speaking, at "4 miles to empty", it does stretch your faith. It's not easy to get to that point.
But God is taking me to a new measure of faith. What about when it's "0 miles to empty?" When for all intents and purposes your tank has no more gas. Your cupboards have no more food. You've gone beyond the grace period. Your prayers for things you would consider necessary have been answered with a "not right now"? But.....you are still driving. You're not on the side of the road unable to continue on.
Is He still God? Still faithful? Has He heard? Does He care?
I'm still driving, aren't I?
I have never been stretched in this way. But I'm being driven to prayer in a way that never in my entire life have I been before. Prayer has become for me a lifeline and a way- not a way, but the only way- I find peace. I have poured out my heart to my Father and found that in the end, He speaks peace to me. He comforts me, holds my hand. Do I understand? No. Not at all. But when I trust Him, His Word, His goodness, His ability, I can rest. He has already withheld things from me that I have desperately wanted. But then He reminds me that His ways are best and He alone knows the end from the beginning. He is love. He is goodness. He is life.
I want more of Him.
When Jehoshaphat was faced with a battle that looked hopeless, He turned to God and then began to praise. 2 Chronicles 20:12- "For we are powerless before this great multitude who are coming against us; now do we know what to do, but our eyes are on You." 20:22, "When they began singing and praising, the LORD set ambushes against the sons of Ammon, Moab and Mount Seir, who had come against Judah; so they were routed."
My difficulties have been many. It looks like I'm at 0 miles to empty in all sorts of ways. But my eyes are on God. And I will praise. Then? Victory. I have no doubt I'll make it to the gas station.
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