it's the little things

little indian girl

Leah dressed as an Indian at CC the week before Thanksgiving.  She also gave a presentation that was a demonstration, so she showed her class how to make a little turkey craft.  Alissa stepped in to offer assistance as necessary. :)

what do you do

So, what do you do when your oldest daughter calls you on a Tuesday morning and says, "Promise you won't freak out if I tell you something?" -then proceeds to tell you that there has been a shooting in the lobby of her dorm?

What do you do?

Well, maybe you wonder at the fact that the night before when you decided to listen to a webinar on how to lead dialectic discussions in math, the speaker just happened to spend the first 15 minutes comparing anxiety and rest.  You might remember how interesting you found it as you saw that the consequences of anxiety were so negative and the benefits of rest were so positive.  You maybe remember agreeing in your heart that God wants us to rest in Him and not be anxious for anything.

You might even think about the fact that you decided to listen to a song during your Quiet Time with the Lord that morning and were encouraged by the words:

My hope is in You, Lord
All the day long, I won't be shaken by drought or storm
A peace that passes understanding is my song
And I sing my hope is in You, Lord

Those things just may cause you to think that the events of the early morning at the Annex at LU did not come as a surprise to God.  Quite possibly He knew all along and was preparing your heart to face a real fear you have.

It could be that you then stop and thank God for His goodness, faithfulness, compassion, protection, and care.

Just maybe.

emotions

 Emotions- so hard to predict these days!  For example, I am minding my own business washing some dishes when I suddenly get completely overwhelmed with a memory.

It was November 1995.  I was living with my husband and two dogs in a mobile home in South Carolina and anxiously awaiting the birth of my first born daughter.  I had decorated our home for Christmas and was repeatedly playing my Steven Curtis Chapman Christmas cassette.  I remember washing dishes with Palmolive and the warm water on my hands, the feel of my very pregnant belly against the counter, the sound of the Christmas music, and the soft Christmas lights all combined with my eager imagination of what was to come.  My baby girl would be born AND we were going home for Christmas! I would have my baby and be able to show her to her aunts, uncle, and grandparents.  I pictured each scene in my mind as I imagined it would play out.  It was such an intense feeling of excitement and contentment.  I would imagine snuggling with my little one, dressing her in one of the outfits I had already washed, folded, and stored away in the changing table, kissing her sweet little head, rocking her to sleep in Nana Cram's rocking chair, and singing to her songs about Jesus.  All those thoughts would go through my head as I washed our (in hindsight!) few dirty dishes and put them in the dish drainer to dry.

Throughout the years I have gotten many types of dish soap.  Usually whatever was on sale!  So when I decided to get Palmolive recently, I was caught off guard by the emotion that  overcame me as the scent reached my nose.  For a moment I was back in SC with Steven Curtis anticipating the arrival of my newborn.

Where has the time gone?  My baby girl is now in college.  All the anticipation, the prayers, the time, the tears, the worry, the care, the hugs, the discipline, the whole investment.....  and she will be a legal adult in 11 days.  

I look back.  So many mistakes I made.  It was so easy to be a perfect parent before I had kids!  I had the perfect strategy and strict "I will never...." and "I will always..." statements.  Reality hit pretty quickly.  

God is so good.  He filled in the many gaps I left as I am such a sinful person- selfish, prideful, impatient.  I prayed so much throughout her growing up years and Matt and I were faithful to our goal of pointing her to Jesus.

Today?  I am so proud. Brianna has all A's and one B (which will more than likely be brought up to an A if I know her!) in college.  She has a reputation of being a godly girl who won't go along with the crowd if they are going in the wrong direction.  She is teaching a weekly Good News Club and last week led some children to Christ.  Last week she was one of about 200 students who applied for a particular job at the campus bookstore....and she got the job!  She is mentoring a girl who is struggling and Brianna is the one people call on when they are in trouble.

I miss her so much.  Thanksgiving can't come soon enough.  Now, the sights and sounds and thoughts are a bit different than they were 18 years ago.  As I wash the dishes I am lucky if I can hear the Christmas music that is playing (on Pandora- not a cassette tape!), we are waiting for Brianna before we put up the Christmas lights, the dishes are not few but many, and the thoughts? Still eager anticipation- with a mixture of happiness and sadness.  I can hardly wait for us all to be together.  God in His goodness blessed me many times over with babies- all of whom were welcomed with the same excitement as our firstborn.  It will be good to be a complete family when Brianna comes home.  Sadness though as I know the cycle now.  They are little and then?  They are big.  They are totally dependent and then?  They are independent.

Brianna will always be my little girl.  I will never forget those days in SC waiting for her to be born.

I am so thankful that God is faithful, He is good, and He never changes. I am thankful that He filled in and made up for my inadequacies.  I am most thankful that He loves my baby more than I do and that He will never leave her.

The sadness is only a temporary emotion.  I have SO MUCH to be thankful for.  This stage in my life is just taking some getting used to!  And as seasons change....God doesn't.

Even to your old age I will be the same, And even to your graying years I will bear you! I have done it, and I will carry you; And I will bear you and I will deliver you.Isaiah 46:4

Emotions and Palmolive.

faith

Surprises.  Life is full of them.  Some, like the one I got when I opened the dishwasher the other day and found Micah's duck and blanket, are sweet and bring a smile to my face. 

Others.... threaten to steal my joy and lead me on a path of defeat. 

About 7 years ago, God gave Matt a verse.  One that at the time was unknown to either of us- 3 John 7  "They went out for the sake of the Name..."  We both held on to that and were thrilled when God led us to work with CEF.  Matt's call has always been evangelism and we both are called to children, so it was a perfect fit.  We had some growing to do and much learning as well.  It was a journey that had rough ways and rocky roads at times, but we knew Who our Guide was.  

Fast forward to Massachusetts.  One morning, God took the commission He had given to Matt to go out for the sake of His name one step further.  God burdened Matt's heart to make His name great and known in the city of Springfield.  If there is a need anywhere, you can find it in a city- and the city of Springfield is no exception.  So, to the city Matt went.  God opened doors of opportunity all over the place.  And broke our hearts in the process.  Then it was made know to us that our direct leadership was putting major stipulations on how we were to reach the kids.  Matt made an appeal and did a lot of praying.  A lot.  He was reminded that he answers to God first and foremost and that God had been leading him right down the city streets to those kids.  He had to follow.

But what name would he use?  For years he had been able to say that he works for the largest evangelistic children's ministry in the world.  Now what?  

God knew what He was doing and what He was saying when he pointed Matt to 3 John 7.  God doesn't need anyone else's name!!!  His name stands above every name.  It is at HIS name that every knee will bow and every tongue confess that Jesus is Lord.  

I have been reading through the Old Testament and today I was in 2 Chronicles.  I read chapter 32 which recounts the story of Sennacherib, king of Assyria when he was besieging Jerusalem.  He was a powerful and successful king with a huge army and ruthless warriors.  He decided to give his opinion on the situation Jerusalem was in.

1.  He first cast doubt on Hezekiah and his ability to be victorious (vs.11)
2. He pointed out the consequences of defeat- death by hunger and thirst (vs.11)
3. He gave false information about Hezekiah (vs.12)
4. He told about all the successes of the enemy, making it look like they had no chance (vs. 13-14)
5. He predicted defeat (vs.15)
6. He compared God to the gods of the earth, made with human hands (vs. 19)
7. He spoke against God (vs.16)

What happened?  Hezekiah got his buddy Isaiah and they both cried out to God.  God sent an angel who "destroyed every mighty warrior, commander and officer in the camp of the king of Assyria".  

I am saying that because our family is on a journey that is requiring faith like we've never had before.  We have had people do to us exactly what Sennacherib did to Hezekiah when he was in an uncertain situation.  They have cast doubt, given false information, predicted defeat, tried to scare us with possible consequences of defeat, and tried to diminish the power of God.  

The biggest question people are asking?  -Whose name will you use?  That's what people say.  -Who will listen to you?  -How will you make a difference?

Let me say it again.  GOD DOES NOT NEED ANYONE'S NAME BUT HIS OWN.

We are not going out for the sake of our name, an organization's name, or anyone else's name.  We are gong out for the sake of HIS name.  Period.  

Today God encouraged me.  He reminded me that no matter what, He is the one who can do supernatural things and go ahead of us to defeat enemies and bring about victory.  

I want the faith to trust Him and keep moving forward.  Not with discouragement or an attitude of defeat, but with joy.    

Leah's just-because party

My sister-in-law can throw a mean party. She could probably get paid a lot of money as a professional party planner!  Maybe I should have recruited her for Leah's little party.  We don't really do big birthday parties around here.  I mean, birthdays are a BIG DEAL and we do lots of fun things to make the birthday girl/boy feel really special, but we don't usually invite friends over and have a shindig! It kind of feels like 9 of us is big enough and certainly loud enough!  Anyway, Leah wanted a party with three friends.  She has been talking about it for months!  I finally decided to take her seriously and let her have one.  It wasn't her birthday, but it was going to be her special day.  I am a TERRIBLE party planner.  (which is why I should have gotten Bobbi's help!)  But we did the best we could.  We took a trip to Michael's and used our imaginations while trying to stay within our small budget.  We had a blast!  Two of the three girls could make it and Leah was in her glory.  Unfortunately, there was a little miscommunication  over the picture taking and I only got one picture of the actual party.  Leah's favorite part was putting on the praise music and dancing with ribbons.  They were so sweet and all seemed to have a great time.  (I loved the visit with the moms just as much!)

Leah is a mini Bri.  Totally.  I remember Brianna having a "new house party", a "girls dress up party" AND several birthday parties.  Those girls......  

Out of my comfort zone for sure, but Leah's cup o' tea!

mom and dad

What a treat to have my parents come for a visit!  I can't believe I didn't get even one picture of Dad and Cameron playing cribbage.  They played about TWENTY games!  

We all-  but especially Drewie- were so excited to be treated to pizza!  The kids got a little bit of school done, but we pretty much counted it as a day off.  It was wonderful and very refreshing!  So glad to be back in New England~

dress up

Leah has been into playing dress up lately. Flashback to Brianna much??  I know these days won't last forever and I am cherishing the sweetness of it all!

glasses

Here's hoping these glasses help with their reading and Caleb's headaches!